i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
