Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
