I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Randomize
