Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
