haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
