So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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