If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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