cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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