3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
