well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
