Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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