No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
