You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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