We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
