never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
