I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
