Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
