I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize