I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
