please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
a search helicopter?!
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
