I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
