I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
