If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
