My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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