The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
