you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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