I wish life had little blips of pornography
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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