hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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