that's an acceptable place to lick
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
