if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
