I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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