Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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