He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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