Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
