turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
