first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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