I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
