I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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