About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize