FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
