Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
