I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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