and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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