i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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