My friends, they love my intelligence
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
