You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i need an iv and a liver transplant
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
