I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
