you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize