I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
