i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
