plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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