My Higher Power is John Stamos
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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