this beer tastes like vomit already
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
