I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
