Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize