Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
