You made me cry and you don't even care
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize