You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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