Screwed.edu
Say something about gay babies.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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