I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
