so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
