You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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