I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
