You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
