Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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