and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize