No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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