That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize