Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
