awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
