Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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