you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We're too hungover to prance.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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