Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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