i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Randomize
