I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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