shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
