There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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