ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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