I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just come out here and I will go home with you...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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