I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
