mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize