i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
The beers last night were like the tears from god
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize