So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
