LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
