no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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